Setting Your Budget
Setting a budget that you can live with may be the hardest part in planning your wedding. Unless you are lucky enough to have unlimited resources, you will need to figure out a realistic budget for your wedding. (Don't think of the word 'budget' as restrictive or cheap, it simply means 'the amount of funds available to spend.')The proper order is to determine how much money you have available, and then plan the wedding accordingly--not the other way around.
The most basic approach in figuring your financial situation is for each of you to privately sit down with your own parents and simply ask if they are planning to help with the wedding bills, and if so, how much, or is there something specific they would like to pay for. Tell them that you don't want to put them on the spot, that you're just trying to get a specific figure so that you can actually start planning.
Combine this with the amount that you and your fiancé have agreed to pay for the wedding out of your own savings, and you have your budget. If you and your fiancé are on your own and self-supporting, you should pay for as much of the wedding as you can.
Your parents are not obligated to pay for your fantasy wedding. If they choose to contribute funds, the wedding is a gift from them to you. If they pay, then they plan the party that they can afford. If your (or his) parents are modern, they may simply give you a specific amount of money, perhaps with a few requests, but leave the actual planning and final decision-making to you.
If either set of parents doesn't plan to help pay, there isn't much you can do. You can try to ask why, but ultimately you have to accept their decision. They may not like your fiancé. They may be upset if you are already living together. They may, quite frankly, just not have the money to spend.
If one set of parents is paying more than the other, don't use it as an excuse to start a feud. You're all going to be related for the rest of your lives, and future gatherings will be very awkward if during the wedding planning one mother constantly reminds the other about the difference in expense distribution.
Money is often a difficult subject to discuss, but it is easier to be straightforward up front than to try to figure things out along the way. The worst thing you can do is to assume that someone is going to pay for something, only to find out later that they hadn't planned to buy the item, or had no intention of paying as much as you've already spent.
If any parent or grandparent tells you that they'll buy a specific item, "and don't worry about the cost," try to find out the dollar range they have in mind. If someone hasn't planned a wedding since their own, they may be shocked at how expensive something is. It can be a bit embarrassing to push the point, but if someone is going to help pay for things, you really need to know actual dollar amounts, or at least a range. Of course, you must respect their dollar limit, or at least be willing to pay any overage yourself. If the person who has promised to pay has not already given you the money for the item, take them with you on the date that the first payment is due. Promises to pay for wedding items are often "forgotten." Asking them to accompany you can be awkward, but it is better than paying for the item yourself and then feeling tremendous resentment if the person doesn't pay you back.
One thing to remember is that many guests will give you a gift of cash at the wedding. If anyone in either side of the family has recently been married, you can use that person's gift list as a general idea of how much you can expect to receive. However, do not use this as an excuse to go overboard. It will probably be more fun to spend the gift money after the wedding on things you need that will last longer than one night, but if you are struggling to pay for your dream wedding, just keep it in the back of your mind that you will be receiving a lot of cash from the guests.
If you do not have unlimited funds for your wedding, you may need to compromise (especially if someone else is paying), and you will definitely need to prioritize. If you can't afford the wedding of your dreams, remember that as important as it may be, this is only one day of your life. It is not good to start your marriage with a huge credit card debt because you went overboard on the wedding. Just remind yourself: Which is more important, the wedding or the marriage?
