Ideas for the Groomsmen

Remember first and foremost that this is the Bride's Big Day. There is absolutely no reason for you to become stressed. Most grooms are a bit nervous about the whole situation, and the groomsmen's top priority is to assist the groom and reassure him when he gets jittery.

On the wedding day, you will be expected to be on time and dressed properly. During the reception, you may partake in a few special bridal party dances, and make sure you do not embarrass yourself or the groom.

Keep in mind that wedding guests have a tendency to remember the spectacular, either good or bad. If the groom and groomsmen spend the evening at the bar getting drunk, the bride's family may take years to forgive this, so try to stay rational and keep your pal from making a fool of himself in front of his in-laws. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't drink or have fun, just don't go overboard.

If you will be traveling for the wedding or any pre-wedding events, it is your responsibility to arrange for your own travel.

Gather your attire.

The groom should give you very specific details about what he (or the bride) would like you to wear. If they have decided that you will rent a tuxedo, most of the work will be done for you. You simply need to visit the groom's chosen rental location and have them take your measurements at least a month prior to the wedding. If you do not live in the wedding area, you may visit any men's formalwear store to obtain accurate measurements to send. Most store managers are willing to take measurements free of charge as a professional courtesy. Since tuxedos look best when properly fitted, it is important that you be measured at a store that deals with tuxedos.

At least two days prior to the wedding (or as early as possible if you are arriving from out of town) pick up your tuxedo from the rental store. Try it on before you leave! Find out from the groom what accessories you will be getting, and make sure you have them all. You will probably not be renting socks, so wear black formal socks when you go to get the tux, so that you can be sure the rental shoes fit comfortably.

If the bride and groom do not want the groomsmen to wear tuxes, you need to obtain very clear instructions on what you will be expected to wear.

The Rehearsal and Rehearsal Dinner

Usually the day before the wedding, the entire wedding party gathers at the ceremony location to go through a dry run. This is basically to allow everyone to learn their positions, when and where they are to stand during the ceremony, any special religious customs, etc. This should be a casual event, and should help everyone be a little more relaxed for the real thing the next day.

After the ceremony rehearsal, it is traditional for everyone to get together for dinner. This event is usually hosted by the groom's parents, and you may or may not be asked to contribute to the bill. If you intend to bring a date, ask in advance if this will be acceptable to the hosts. Also, ask the bride what she will likely be wearing, so that you and your date can determine how formally you should dress. Prepare a short toast to the Happy Couple in case you are asked to say a few things at the rehearsal dinner.

Buying a Gift

Most wedding guests buy gifts with the intention that the bride will use them, so this is your chance to give the groom something to treasure. Gifts that invoke childhood memories are always cherished. Tickets to concerts or sporting events are a great gesture, and almost guarantee that you will still be an important part in his life after the wedding.

The Wedding Day

Ushers should arrive at the ceremony site 45 minutes prior to the start time. As guests arrive, you will escort them to their seats. Special guests (usually grandparents and close aunts and uncles) will be seated in the first two rows. Offer your right arm to the woman; her companion should walk behind. In a Christian ceremony, the bride's family will be on the left side, in a Jewish ceremony, the bride's family is on the right.

Two of the groomsmen will likely be asked to unroll the aisle runner immediately prior to the processional.

During the ceremony, stand still and remain quiet. Don't whisper anything to the groom or other groomsmen. You'd be surprised how well sound travels in a quiet room or church. Don't lock your knees, as it affects circulation and may cause fainting.

After the recessional to exit the ceremony site, some brides choose to have a receiving line. The purpose of the receiving line is to make sure that everyone has at least a few seconds to congratulate the bride and groom, and for introductions of distant relatives who might only know one of the two. Groomsmen are generally not included in this line, but if you are asked, do so. Smile, return hugs and hand shakes, and keep the chat simple and upbeat. Depending on who you are standing between, you may occasionally need to provide an introduction.

After the ceremony, wait in the vestibule or outside to offer maps or directions to any guests who need them.

Photos and Videos

Time during the day will be set aside for official photographs. In the past, this has always been done in or around the ceremony site soon after the ceremony. Recently, however, the trend has been to take some photos before the ceremony so that post-ceremony pictures won't be rushed. Photos may also be taken in non-wedding locations, such as a local beach or park, so make sure you know beforehand where you are expected to be and at what time.

Generally speaking, the bride and photographer have already decided what groups and poses are to be photographed. You should try to be as cooperative as is reasonably possible. If you want to suggest silly shots with the groomsmen, don't wait until the big day. The groom will likely be terrified of doing anything that will upset his bride, and unless it has been agreed to beforehand, he may not be willing to include any humor in the pictures.

The Reception

At some point after dinner, the bride and groom will have their first dance. This is usually followed by a bridal party dance, in which bridesmaids and groomsmen are invited to the dance floor in pairs. The hold-on rock-and-sway dance is fine for this. (Hold her right hand with your left hand, slightly outward; your right hand is around her waist, and her left hand is on your shoulder.) You need to be aware of the photographer. When he seems to be aiming the camera at you, shift so that you are both facing the camera and smile nicely.

If the couple chooses to do a garter toss after the bouquet toss, you might need to help gather the single men to the floor.

After all is said and done, make sure you return your formalwear promptly.