Ideas for the Best Man

Remember first and foremost that this is the Bride's Big Day. There is absolutely no reason for you to become stressed. Most grooms are a bit nervous about the whole situation, and the best man's top priority is to assist the groom and reassure him when he gets jittery.

Prior to the wedding, your responsibilities are hosting the bachelor party and acquiring your wedding-day attire. If you will be traveling for the wedding or any pre-wedding festivities, it is your responsibility to arrange for your own travel.

On the wedding day, you will be expected to be on time and dressed properly, you will hold the rings until they are required, and you may be paying vendors throughout the day. (Not with your own money! The groom should give you pre-marked envelopes for each person you need to pay.) During the reception, you will give a charming toast to the Happy Couple, partake in a few official dances, and make sure no one embarrasses themselves (meaning you, the groom and other groomsmen).

Keep in mind that wedding guests have a tendency to remember the spectacular, either good or bad. If the groom and groomsmen spend the evening at the bar getting drunk, the bride's family may take years to forgive this, so try to stay rational and keep your pal from making a fool of himself in front of his in-laws. This doesn't mean that you shouldn't drink or have fun, just don't go overboard.

Gather Your Attire

The groom should give you very specific details about what he (or the bride) would like you to wear. If they have decided that you will rent a tuxedo, most of the work will be done for you. You simply need to visit the groom's chosen rental location and have them take your measurements at least a month prior to the wedding. If you do not live in the wedding area, you may visit any men's formalwear store to obtain accurate measurements to send. Most store managers are willing to take measurements free of charge as a professional courtesy. Since tuxedos look best when properly fitted, it is important that you be measured at a store that deals with tuxedos.

At least two days prior to the wedding (or as early as possible if you are arriving from out of town) pick up your tuxedo from the rental store. Try it on before you leave! Find out from the groom what accessories you will be getting, and make sure you have them all. You will probably not be renting socks, so wear black formal socks when you go to get the tux, so that you can be sure the rental shoes fit comfortably.

If the bride and groom do not want the groomsmen to wear tuxes, you need to obtain very clear instructions on what you will be expected to wear.

The Rehearsal and Rehearsal Dinner

Usually the day before the wedding, the entire wedding party gathers at the ceremony location to go through a dry run. This is basically to allow everyone to learn their positions, when and where they are to stand during the ceremony, any special religious customs, etc. This should be a casual event, and should help everyone be a little more relaxed for the real thing the next day.

After the ceremony rehearsal, it is traditional for everyone to get together for dinner. This event is usually hosted by the groom's parents, and you may or may not be asked to contribute to the bill. If you intend to bring a date, ask in advance if this will be acceptable to the hosts. Also, ask the bride what she will likely be wearing, so that you and your date can determine how formally you should dress. Prepare a short toast to the Happy Couple, in addition to your main toast, in case you are asked to say a few things at the rehearsal dinner.

Buying a Gift

Most wedding guests buy gifts with the intention that the bride will use them, so this is your chance to give the groom something to treasure. Gifts that invoke childhood memories are always cherished. Tickets to concerts or sporting events are a great gesture, and almost guarantee that you will still be an important part in his life after the wedding.

Day of the Wedding

A good start to the day is for you to be dressed and ready when and where you are expected. Most likely by this time you will have received a rather detailed wedding-day time schedule from the bride-to-be. Fold this and keep it with you.

Keep track of where the groom is supposed to be at all times, and make sure he is there. You need to stay as calm as possible, because the groom will not be, and he may rely on you more than he thinks. While chatting with the groom throughout the day, keep the conversation positive. Share stories of all the family members you've met, or if you think a certain bridesmaid and a certain groomsman are likely to be hooking up. Do not encourage his jitters by talking about the big change in his life. And do not mention any problems that have happened during the wedding-planning process. His bride will not appreciate it.

Check the various pockets on your tuxedo to find one that has absolutely no holes. This is where you will keep both wedding rings until they are required from you. (The maid of honor will be holding two bouquets during the ceremony, so you will have both rings.) Avoid the temptation to wear the ring on one of your fingers. It may fall off without your noticing, it may not come off when it is required, and it just plain looks silly for a man to be wearing a woman's wedding ring on his little finger. Remember which pocket you put it in and don't keep anything else in the same pocket.

During the ceremony, stand still and remain quiet. Don't whisper anything to the groom other than reminders to relax. You'd be surprised how well sound travels in a quiet room or church. Don't lock your knees, as it affects circulation and may cause fainting.

At some point after the ceremony, the officiant will ask you and the maid of honor into his or her office to sign the marriage license as legal witnesses.

After the recessional to exit the ceremony site, some brides choose to have a receiving line. The purpose of the receiving line is to make sure that everyone has at least a few seconds to congratulate the bride and groom, and for introductions of distant relatives who might only know one of the two. Groomsmen are generally not included in this line, but if you are asked, do so. Smile, return hugs and hand shakes, and keep the chat simple and upbeat. Depending on who you are standing between, you may occasionally need to provide an introduction. If you are standing next to the maid of honor or mother of the bride, and she doesn't know any of the groom's college buddies, offer quick and cordial introductions.

Photos and Videos

Some time during the day will be set aside for official photographs. In the past, this has always been done in or around the ceremony site soon after the ceremony. Recently, however, the trend has been to take some photos before the ceremony so that post-ceremony pictures won't be rushed. Photos may also be taken in non-wedding locations, such as a local beach or park, so make sure you know beforehand where you are expected to be and at what time.

Generally speaking, the bride and photographer have already decided what groups and poses are to be photographed. You should try to be as cooperative as is reasonably possible. If you want to suggest silly shots with the groomsmen, don't wait until the big day. The groom will likely be terrified of doing anything that will upset his bride, and unless it has been agreed to beforehand, he may not be willing to include any humor in the pictures.

The Reception

It is generally a good idea to stay close to the bride and groom until you are fairly certain that everything is going smoothly. You never know when someone might need a quick favor or errand. If you are acting as MC for the evening, you need to determine from the caterer when dinner will begin. Ask any employee (the bartender is usually easiest to find) who is in charge of the kitchen, and then ask this person when dinner will be served. You will need to coordinate with someone at the facility to ensure that everyone has a drink before you toast.

At some point after dinner, the bride and groom will have their first dance. This is usually followed by a bridal party dance, in which bridesmaids and groomsmen are invited to the dance floor in pairs. The best man most likely will dance with the maid of honor. The hold-on rock-and-sway dance is fine for this. (Hold her right hand with your left hand, slightly outward; your right hand is around her waist, and her left hand is on your shoulder.) You need to be aware of the photographer. When he seems to be aiming the camera at you, shift so that you are both facing the camera and smile nicely.

If the bride and groom choose to do a garter toss after the bouquet toss, then you might need to help gather the single men to the floor. The best person to catch the garter is the boyfriend of the woman who caught the bouquet, try to make sure he is in front.

After the reception, if the bride and groom have not arranged for special transportation, you will drive them to where they need to be for the night.

After all is said and done, make sure you return the groom's and your own formalwear.